The footprints in the sand come to an unusual halt,
As I sit beside you after a seemingly long walk.
I gaze ruminatingly within buoying currents awhile,
When you reflect back more than you’ve brought along.
Not just the emotion within the ravages of your heart,
But as you flowed in leaving tiny footprints awash,
You managed to carry along with many acquired treasures…
The little ravages of mine, his… and ours.
You commandingly beckon me over to you…
So I gently cross over the bridge been set up.
Letting me float within your tempestuous contradictions,
Shaking, slamming me when you choose that path.
Each time I choose to submissively let it pass,
You become still and envelop the whole front,
As I become incapable of being smashed into again,
The bubbles of your violence say my shore is theirs to engulf.
Hearing the sound of those waves crashing and colliding,
Hitting against each other fiercely until they find their calm,
You withstand your own torrents until another one crashes in…
And I begin to see what set in motion the undoing inside.
I witness you descend and sink.. drop by a little drop.
… Then unimaginably you becalm another tide that’s pass,
Bringing yourself to find ripples to create swells one at a time,
I learn the existence of fractured wisdom of a warrior’s heart.
So even as you continue to hit me, thrash me about..
I learn something about myself and that long walk.
So I float along with you even as you carry on alone..
Yet it just feels organic, a missing part of you reattached.
For I am purely water too camouflaged as this being,
Well maybe 72% water and 28% being my walk,
You are the ocean that binds us as more than one,
Connecting drops, waves and then coasting them along.
As you margin me off now on different sands afar,
I manage to carry droplets of you within my being…
The hearth under my feet carries your treasures too,
I step on the embankment still damp with exiled rocks.
Standing there soaked through as you recede to the sun..
Marveled… as it twinkles in my eye… I decide.
I squeeze out that bit of you anchored on my being,
The fractured remains I became an unwitting carrier of.
I imprint it all down on the sand I just set my feet on,
With some gathered earth too from that weary walk.
For I know it will offer it all back to you gently one day,
When you choose to reimmerse this bank, in an encore.
The earth that I wrote his name down on, with my toes.
The earth under my figure.. my feet and fingertips.
All that I had picked up in life through transfer and touch,
Till I am cleansed off from impurities that negate a heart.
I sit beside and gaze in awe as you take back with you,
All that ravaged me within forever, unbeknownst.
All that emotion, to dilute my weariness and intense bitter,
Even with the knowledge… it will again split you to parts.
You amazingly present me with something else I should take..
So I learn to openly receive all your offerings as well again.
And that’s when I meet the generosity and grace of your heart..
As you find guileless ways to give another portion of yourself.
You give me the courage I don’t possess to start a new day again,
To feel for pieces left of me and thaw away that numbness,
Even as those drops and pearls don’t blend together like before..
I have to acknowledge what’s changed forever and just carry on.
© Deepa Bajaj, 2019. All Rights Reserved.